How do you fix Emotional Intimacy

 

Intimacy in a relationship solves all problems in a couple by 95%. How to restore emotional intimacy between partners?

How to Build Intimacy in Relationship

 The first and most important point is whether there is a confidential dialogue between you and your partner? It is confidential, and not communication, when you throw insults, accusations, demands at each other, report on some expectations. Confidential dialogue involves a deep conversation between partners when you share your feelings and experiences.

 If you understand that resentment, worries, unspoken anger have accumulated over a long time, and in general the relationship has practically collapsed, this is a signal for a regular “negotiating table” with a partner (at least once a week, discuss what and who does not suit). However, it is important here not to blame a loved one, not to attack him so that he has to defend himself from you, but to build a dialogue in such a way that he hears and understands your pain. Listen to your partner and hear his pain, understand what painful points you could touch. Your task in this dialogue is, first of all, to understand a loved one, and then bear your pain.

 When one of you takes the first step, the second one will reach for him (you must agree, it will be difficult not to hear you in response if you heard the pain of your partner).  I didn't mean it at all and didn't mean to hurt you. I don't think it's my fault, but I totally understand your pain."

 Learn to share childhood trauma with your partner and thereby explain why you reacted the way you did when he was about to hurt you. Only in this way will you be able to be more understanding with a loved one and next time keep silent in a similar situation (or you will not use painful phrases to smooth the conversation). In fact, everything happens automatically if you are aware of what mines you are stepping on in your partner’s soul.

Be strategically vulnerable to earn their trust

 Develop the skill of both hearing and talking about your feelings, traumas, and experiences at the same time. This is closeness, when you let a person into your soul, you can look into him and not get lost there, not merge with him, not absorb each other,  An important point is that each of the partners should not be convinced that the other will not understand, will not hear, he does not care. No, it's not! And if you have confidence that the partner is able to hear, you will speak, then the dialogue will build itself. Communication is also creativity, you need to be able to adapt to your partner, adapt to different situations. At some moments a person can be very vulnerable, at some less - and this is a different model of behavior (a joke will do somewhere, and somewhere a humorous remark will cause a deep offense). That is why be extremely attentive to your partner and to what is happening in his inner life. A couple is the ability to share inner life, to hear and notice it.

Express gratitude for the little things

 Relationship support. You must always support each other. Remember that in a relationship, each of us is as vulnerable as children are, and any word can hurt a partner in the very heart and settle deep in the soul. Be careful in your statements, in evaluating a loved one. If a partner complains, shares difficulties, first of all support him, even if you see that he is wrong in a working relationship (for example, he had a fight with work colleagues, considers them idiots): “I sympathize that this is happening in your life. It’s a pity that the team is so strange and uncohesive, and reacts like that.”

Of course, if you notice his true behavior, you should talk about the energy that he brings to the working relationship, but this is best done when the partner directly asks you, tormented by constantly arising unpleasant situations: “Well, why? Why is everything repeated at every new workplace?” (“Are you ready to hear the answer? It will be a little criticism. Are you ready to hear it now?”).  Do you want to hear my feedback? Maybe you will take into account my words, or maybe you will spit them out without thinking about anything - your right and Express gratitude for the little things.

Let Yourself Be Seen

 Understand for yourself that all this is done to support the partner, and not to show him: “Yeah, you are like that with me, you behave like that!”.  (if not explicitly, then in the form of passive aggression after a while). Put relationships in the forefront - only in this case you will always look for ways to make peace with a partner, improve relationships in a couple and make them closer. However, do not be fanatical about this! If you constantly put pressure on a loved one (“Let's be close, let's talk openly more often!”), This causes some rejection. Every day, no relationship can withstand talking about some problems, so sometimes pause, swallow grievances, endure at some points, start keeping a personal diary, go to a psychologist - you need to learn how to contain your feelings; and at the moment when the partner is ready to listen to everything, talk to him.

 In addition, it is very important not to merge with someone else's opinion regarding your loved one, this mistake is quite common, especially among girls. For example, some friend or even your mother told you that men do not behave this way, this is not a man's act. As a result, someone else's view of life becomes more important for you than the convictions of your husband, and this really hurts the male half. There may be another situation when men are emotionally very merged with their mother (he wakes up in the morning and immediately calls, during the day calls and reports where he was and what he did), then the woman gets the feeling of a “third wheel”, as if the couple still lives and with partner's mother.

Create a Safe Space

 Push into the background the opinions of sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts, they should not enter the boundaries of your relationship. Relationships are you and your partner! Set clear and protected boundaries that each of you must respect (break it - problems will arise). Talking about support will be useless if a loved one feels that you are including someone else in the relationship and someone else's opinion matters more than your own.

Get Better At Conflict

 Relationships in a couple are not always rosy and happy - if you feel good together most of the time, this is already wonderful. Asking for support and comfort is quite normal, every partner has the right to do so. However, often when we complain to relatives, friends (all those who are a resource and support for us) about our soul mate, we only say bad things about a person, and the good things are missed (going to complain about your husband is the norm, but brag about cleaning the apartment hardly anyone can). As a rule, in such situations, our resource person also forgets to think about the fact that today there was a quarrel in the family, and tomorrow you will hug and forget about the negative - usually these moments are not customary to discuss. That is why you should not pay attention to other people's opinions about your husband, protect him (even from others!) - yes.

#Express gratitude for the little things   #Create a Safe Space

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